Shit happens (more so in an obscenely crowded bus)

So, am one of those mass produced corporate employees who know their lives depend on catching the office bus at 6:30 pm.......every weekday....and of course, am not too lucky......so....this is dedicated to all the mass produced corporate employees who HAVE to catch an obscenely crowded office bus at 6:30 pm...every weekday:

Things that may go wrong on an obscenely crowded office bus:

1) You know that the laws of the universe are twisted when you have been waiting for the bus for more than an hour...and all u see are buses that have "God is Great" written on them.

2) After waiting for an hour, you "THINK" your bus has come and as a responsible citizen you alert all your colleagues who get all happy and prepared to get into the bus and lo... (with my kinda luck it isn't too tough to imagine what happens next...Hint: it involves a lot angry stares).

3) You take your seat in the bus and the girl sitting next to you is carrying this giant ass umbrella (the kind that can save a crowd from the rain). And due to space constraints, she has no other option but to keep the umbrella at a certain angle where it can't help but poke you.

4) You are super annoyed. Why? Because the bus has stopped at a signal and there are a whole lotta assholes honking away to glory (because they believe honking helps) and noise is killing your soothing heavy metal rock music experience (it is strange how the honks give you a headache and not heavy metal rock).

5) You can't help but sense that something somewhere is not right....as if this world isn't wired correctly...I mean...how come it takes the bus 1 hour to reach the express highway from my office (which is in Andheri east ) and just 7 minutes to cover the distance between Andheri and Bandra (my stop)???

6) You are sitting at an angle where you have no other option but to stare at a guys ass.

7) You realize that someone is farting his/her ass off and every time the bus stops....the experience becomes excruciatingly painful.

8) You are so touched by your Einsteinian thought process that you get an uncontrollable urge to (no..not to pee) put your observations on a piece of paper. You go on a mad hunting spree and scout for a pencil and a note pad (a Herculian task when a bus is obscenely crowded) and you finally succeed. You spend most of the rest of the journey trying to jot down your kick-ass observations.

9) While you being all smart and all, you get a sudden feeling that you have missed your stop. You make a mad scramble, cursing people as you make your way to the exit door. With a sense of relief and achievement you get off....only to realize that you got off a little too soon. As the bus passes you by, you can see the faces of all those you cursed and somehow you know that they know. Of course, once you get over the embarrassing feeling, you start walking towards your stop which is a kilometer away.

10) Once you reach your destination...all you think about is putting your amazingly profound thoughts on your blog....with superb excitement, you reach home...switch-on your lappy..take out your note pad and voila! You can't make out a single word you wrote! You can almost see a wickedly mocking smile on your lappy's screen.

Amidst all the pushing and sweating and cursing and staring, you realize that it isn't the bus that is mocking you. It's the corporate experience. It makes you believe that you are oh-so-smart...while you struggle to make your way home in an obscenely crowded bus-----every weekday...

When a singer becomes a poet :)

‎'I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm just on my way home, you know?' ~Bob Dylan

Learnings from the rain

Those who "know" me know that i love the rain....only when am at home staring at it. I was almost sure i was the only girl on Earth who did not think getting wet in the rain was romantic. But then i bumped into Dipika. So i thought, there might be more people out there who share my hatred for a rain bath.

This one is for those who "detest" the rain and absolutely dread the idea of unannounced rain showers. It is for people like me who have a special dictionary where:

Drizzle = Rain

Rain = Raining cats and dogs

Raining cats and dogs = Cloud burst

Here are some things i learned last evening when the rain god (if there is one) decided to surprise us all:

1) No matter how much you curse the rain god (if there is one) it is not going to help. Instead, you might end up making him angrier.

2) Always have a friend by your side who would trust you with her stole when the rain god (if there is one) decides to take out his frustration on the human kind.

3) Taking shelter under a tree does not help because instead of raindrops you'll get rain blobs (a word i use to define gigantic raindrops), and the whole purpose would be lost.

4) Keep walking because you might end up finding a bus stop to rescue you from the rain.

5) While waiting for an auto, stand in light so that the autowala can actually see you.

6) Do not be too excited if you spot an empty auto, because it would not stop for you.

7) Even if the autowala stops, he would not want to go where you want to go.

8) Stand near a traffic signal. The autowalas will HAVE to stop and you'll have more than one auto to choose from.

9) No matter how sure you are that the rain has stopped, do not remove your protective cover because some lunatic goon is sure to whoosh by you, drenching you in god knows what!

10) Finally, remember.....it is not over till you reach home.