THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

am utterly confused....I don't want to sell my soul to Satan but I don't have enough courage to believe in myself. Each day something is taken away from me and I lose....I am not happy.

Talking to myself isn't helping and nor is it helping to talk to friends and family. I know that its "me" who has to take the final plunge. I can't let Satan win...

Saw Rabb ne bna di jodi . Was emotinallly pretty complex....the girl's good....bt i really feel that had it been a 2 hr movie instead of the regular 3 hrs...it wud hv created magic!!

Just for me

7:00 pm, 13 Dec,08
Just wana remember thi moment;

Am REALLY happy wid my life right now...

ps: thank God 4 d gratefullness....

progress so far

i finished readin Little Women last to last night....read on till 1:30pm to finish d novel...i liked it...a very feel good novel though it ws a bit too preachy...but all in all...it kept me hooked....i gathered sm courage and opened Crime and Punishment last nite.....read sm 50 pages....i didnt realise it was almost post midnite....stopped ONLY wn my eyes gave in......interestin so far......lets c...

ps: Upi sir....Wodehouse next on my list :)

i am SAD...

i think i shud start payin ppl to comment on my blog..

ps: am i cool or wt :P

My book shelf

Bought O henry's collection of short stories. Bad choice...shud hv known that short stories rn't my cup of tea. The book store lady convinced me that David Copperfield was the book for me. I took her advice as she claimed to b a literature/psychology doctorate..or smthin to that effect. big mistake again...i shud hv realised after reading Oliver Twist that Dickens is way too depressing for me. Deepa was quick to remind me of it when i told her bout my purchase. This time when i went to buy books...i was careful enff NOT to take advice from the shop vallas or the store vaalis. Ended up buying Jerome K Jerome's 3 men in a boat...read bout 70 pages.....ws funny at times but cudnt sustain my imagination(but i am determined to finish it) so i moved to Alcott's Little Women...Read bout 100 pages so far...I lv it! Crime and Punishment is still locked in my Book store bag as I am scared to open a HUGE novel . Bt i hv heard sm zillion positive comments bout tht book..so i think that will gv me the courage that i need.I dunno wt's wid me....there r VERY FEW novels that i find interesting enff to read till the end.

My list...

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Jack Johnson

Wuthering Heights

Chocolates

Babies

T S Eliot

Shadow Lines

Shawshank Redemption

Little Women

Tracy Chapman

Nature

Jane Eyre

Serendipity

Shakespeare

Goodwill Hunting

Flowers

It's all bout books, music and stuff like that...

At the edge of my patience,

At the edge of my tolerence,

At the edge of my frustration,

At the edge of my horror,

At the edge of my dismay,

At the edge of my cynicism,

At the edge of my irritation,

At the edge of my rebellion,

At the edge of my life,

I found .....

Just finished watchin and listenin to Obama's victory speech. i would like to call it "The 'Yes we Can' Speech". I think the change is here...

Some of my favorite lines in literature...

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.
-TS Eliot, Little Gidding

Home is where one starts from.

As we grow older

The world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated

Of dead and living. Not the intense moment

Isolated, with no before and after,

But a lifetime burning in every moment

And not the lifetime of one man only

But of old stones that cannot be deciphered.

-TS Eliot, East Coker

Since this short span might

well be lived as lives the laurel,deeper in its green than

all other green surrounding,

leaves, edged by wavelets,

smiling like the breeze-

then why, destiny overcome,

must we still be human

and long for further fate?

Not because happiness exists,

that apparent advantage

which barely presages loss.

Not out of curiosity,

nor as an exercise of

such a heart as likewise

in the laurel lies...But

because to be here

means so very much.

Because this fleeting sphere

appears to need us-

in some strange way

concerns us: we...most fleeting of all.

-Rainer Maria Rilke, Duino Elegies

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

-William Blake, Auguries of Innocence

In the deserts of the heart

Let the healing fountain start,

In the prison of his days

Teach the free man how to praise.

-W H Auden, In Memory of WB Yeats

Several extracts from Tennyson's In Memoriam, I wish i could mention them all but there are way too many!

well i had big plans of writin a profound piece after i finished reading my frend's blog but smhow the inspiration died even before i could put my thoughts in words. It s only coz of things around me...everything is out of order....i am out of sorts...so...sorry Arunabh for not takin d inspiration to the level u thot i wud...

passin thot

my i pod is not wrkin and its killin me now!!!

The Dark Knight

One of those films that make you "think"...had dis amazin character of "Joker" who believes that every human (when pushed to his/her limts) will turn into a monster.....He knows how 2 play wid the minds of the other humans(includin Batman). d movie had this awsm scene whr the joker decides to do this "social experiment". Two huge ferrys full of scared and helpless people and each ferry given a detonator. both ferrys have a basement full of bombs ready 2 expload at the detonator's call. Now, the scene is:

Joker tells both the ferrymen to blow the other ship in one hour or he'll blow both the ships at the end of the hour!

Won't tell u how the scene ends bt i think it ws one of d most sensitively handled scenes in all the superhero movies that i have ever seen....

d movie is a mst watch!

Height of frustration

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PS: I wish u cud read it thru my eyes....

Dead silence

We talk and talk and talk....blah ..blah...blah....v still get misunderstood...can't v jst shut the fuck up and let silence talk!!???

i wish d world ws blank and i could paint it d way i want to.i wish i cud just start things all over again.....there would have been no reds and a lot of greens...preferably light greens....i would have used less of beige and grey too and concentrate more on the blues....all shades of blue....would have mixed blacks and whites in a way that a new colour was made...with no name....also, i would have added a lot of yellow. Pink would have been all over the place with hints of white..infact...i would made the base of the world white and then moved on to other colours on my palate. it would have been fun...with bold strokes of orange and a silver lining here and there.....

yeah...i can see it.....my world.. my canvas....

on joining the rat race

yeah i cleared three rounds of interview..

yeah i have a job now....

yeah i have an extension 2 my contact number..

yeah i get paid to work..

yeah i have an LCD monitor at my disposal..

yeah i work for 9 hrs daily

yeah i have my own money now

yeah i can sit in the AC

yeah i can have as much tea/coffee i want

yeah i get to give and take orders

yeah..

Whatever....

a plea

I finished watching "An Inconvenient Truth" and I felt the urge to recommend it to everyone I know. The sheer reality and the rawness of the way the topic of global warming has been dealt with made me sit up and take notice. I know what you must be thinking... “why should I waste one hour and thirty minutes watching a documentary on global warming when I can do whole lotta interesting stuff?” well, I don’t have an answer for that but all I can say is that watch it for your own sake. I never thought that a documentary could be so unbiased and sans implicit motive. I say watch it for what it is. We all need to do what we can to counter global warming. I am planning to talk to my school principal about it when I meet him next week or so. I would like to make some suggestions to him as to how we can make the younger generation more aware about the causes and the consequences of this issue. I believe that the first step required to take this problem head on is to make people aware of the existence of the problem. I think this documentary succeeds to a large extent in helping this cause. Therefore, I am spreading the word to my friends and people I know.

had a very tiring day today...running from pillar to post in search for answers.....haalat khraab ho gyi....dont really know y i am writing this post.....may b coz i have nothing better to do....bt now..my eyes are giving up....can't stare at the screen nymore.....

u know what i really wana do? i wana get mad drunk....get stoned....or wtever...i just want my brain to stop working for one week!!!!

As I sit and turn the last page of my copy of The Color Purple, I begin to sink. I don’t understand why my hands always reach out to novels that are considered “depressing”. I do not know what the reading of such novels brings to me. Now as I begin to think, it has been this way for every movie, book, poem or song that I have ever liked. I feel attracted to Sadness. I do not necessarily yearn for any kind of resolution in life. Why is this so?

To be honest, I do not really know what I want. There….I admit it! It doesn’t make me feel any better though. I do not know why in the midst of all the celebrations, I am suddenly filled with emptiness. My face droops down and my heart starts beating real slow. It feels as if my presence is as good as my absence and I ask myself…”Why am I here?” I try to fill myself up with words but my inability to be a part of other’s happiness kills me and makes me detest my own self. I am scared to venture in…because I am afraid I won’t find anything within. I feel like a giant hollow…just an animal full of blah….blah blah blah…that’s all I really do. I have lost my centre ( if I ever had one), and now it feels as if am just breathing away to no- thing. My moments of “happiness” turn into blankness even before I can live them…the worst part is though, I don’t even know if I want to get out of this comfort zone.

My teacher and I

I fought with my tears but in the end they won and before I knew it, I was drenched. There I sat, reading the black board after you left. Your handwriting continued talking to me.

“9am – 11am”, twice a week, for two semesters.

You bade farewell, and i felt our rondure had just ended…… but then I realized that the rondure had just begun.
As I closed my eyes and listened to your reading of a poem, I “saw”. Your voice lifted my spirit to unknown heights and I soared like a bird freed from a cage.

Before I lose my way in the things of the world, I take a moment. I take a moment to bow to you.

You held my hands for one year and showered me with unconditional love.
You made me fall in love with myself and the world around me.
You nurtured me like a father, and taught me like a sage.
You made me look inside and accept the hum drums of the world outside sans anger, sans indulgence.
You showed me the way…the way to myself.

I know the limitations of the words, so I stop here.

I feel privileged, honored, humbled and fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend a year of my lived experience with you.

"Earth Rise", one of the earliest images of earth from moon

"To see the earth as it truly is, small and blue
and beautiful in that eternal silence where it
floats, is to see ourselves as riders on the earth
together, brothers on that bright loveliness
in the eternal cold--brothers who know now----
they are truly brothers."


Archibald MacLeish.

hi..am bhavna and im from......uh...mmm...

They: so bhavna...where are u from?
me: i don't know...

5 seconds of awkward silence

they: well where is your home?
me: i don't kno...

silence again...then a fake smile from both the parties

they:ok...let's keep it simple. where is your family.
me: baroda......well as of now baroda.

they: what?
me: well they just moved in a day ago

they: ...
me:i gotta go...nice talking to you...

chandigarh, hoshiarpur, bareilly, chandigarh, mumbai, hyderabad, Kolkata and now Baroda...yes, u guessed it....my dad is in a bank....it ain't easy
just wn im sure that i have found "friends"...i know i gotta move away.....the word "home" doesn't mean mch to me
earlier i used to feel that it's a movement away from something with no sense of a "movement towards"...and it used to leave me helpless....
but now i have friends in all corners of India(thanks to my relatives that are spread throughout the country)..
it's amazing to have known so many cultures and so many different kinds of people..i still don't kno if it is a movement "towards" something but i think i have found my place...within

feels good to b home....

written by one of my favorite writers....

The devil is in the Dots

Hunger.Hope.love.novelty.excitement.knowledge.first crush.convention.morals.competition.academics.seperation.new friends.
discomfort.phoneys.solitude.focus.books.monotony.
loneliness.friends.inspire.enemies.inspire.teachers.conventions.
morals.attraction.lust.crush.romance.trust.betrayal.fantasy.reality.
focus.aim.morals.conventions.academics.hard work.
success.superficial.astray.sheep.morals.conventions.stigmas.
yearning.freedom.thought.pain.alcohol.addiction.friends.comfort.desire.pain.
alcohol.addiction.years.tears.change.first crush.friends.love.hope.courage.freedom.city.love.
hope.memories.desire.ambition.hopes.
hunger.hunger.hunger.hunger...




P.S : I know! ...

Tale of two cities

i saw the line today,
the line between Shanghai and Bombay.
The distance though small,
could not be covered at all.
Scared to meet the other's eye,
both shut their lids along with the hearts.
Stretching their arms
both try to meet
But alas!
The attempt is futile.
Perhaps,
trying is not enough...

Alive again!

Don't have much to say
Don't have much to do
Not much to be proud of
Not even a friend or two.

Wish I could go back
to the age of innocence-
the age of unknown answers.
Or better still,
rush to the age of reason-
the age of known questions.

I thought life was tough...!

But as the years roll on,
weird as it may seem;
I feel I've lived,
someone else's dream.

But now i know
what it is to 'be'
and i shout out loud,
I'M PROUD TO BE ME!!!!

Binding Vine - Shashi Deshpande

They called me mad
they, who cocooned themselves
in bristly blankets
and thought themselves warm
when I spoke of my soul
that boiled and seethed.

They called me mad
they, who were entranced
by a single white ray of light
when I spoke of the magic
of the seven colours in a prism.

it's just not about love...it's not...it's all about proving our love. that's when the trouble begins. in our attempt to tell the other person how much v love him/her....v lose ourselves.....next time when u lv someone...don't just keep rattling "i lv u", "i lv u"......just don't!!when u don't say it, the love automatically flows in your actions....and the other person will know.....

let there be spaces in our togetherness...

The Burried life- Mathew Arnold

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquireInto the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves--
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpress'd.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well--but 'tis not true!
And then we will no more be rack'd
With inward striving, and demand
Of all the thousand nothings of the hour
Their stupefying power;
Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!
Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn,
From the soul's subterranean depth upborne
As from an infinitely distant land,
Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey
A melancholy into all our day.